my skull’s on fire and the paramedics are laughing

i’ve lit up a cig while my boyfriend and ex are
making out behind my back on the veranda 

i can see my future in the vomit i left on 
my own carpet 
i’m letting the sun leak onto my eyes 
coming back with permanent damage to my retina

i purged my contacts list 
the only person left in there is someone 
called ‘some guy i blew at a party last week’
too busy getting the cum off my face to ask for a name

i burned my wallet in a misguided attempt at ‘rebellion’
now i can’t even buy more cigarettes without a debit card
i cry as i realize this in front of the register
the cashier hands me a sympathy smoke 
i reject it in rebellion against my own humanity

one of those big signs in front of pharmacies
that advertise 99 cent cola’s told me to 
"fuck off" today while i was walking and i felt good

i walked my dog and felt truly ‘boosted’ 
i go on walks often but i have many vitamin deficencies 
i think that if i got those taken care of
my life would improve immensely 

i look up at the sky and 
say hello to the stars
every night

i love cats but this poem has nothing to do with cats

i am too shy to follow the
people i like on social media

i am going to die a shy,
nameless poet without a
single published book

my life has gotten out of hand
i watched every season of 24 
within a week and then lost my mind

i cried in a gas station bathroom
while a pile of dvd’s i had just
rented mocked me on the floor

i talk about how my life has
gone to shit on facebook &
get likes & that makes me
feel a little better i guess

i smile when i walk outside
because it feels good to be
alive sometimes but i still
cry a lot for a relatively
fortunate person

i just need to walk outside
in the sun a lot more i think

i want to be human
i cant be human

i become sober periodically
it is in these moments
i lay in bed and stare
at the ceiling
the sun will still burn
when i die, i consider

and i find myself enjoying
the living hell that is
the inhuman experience
and yet, i feel a desire
to feel the bliss of
pained memories & suffering
of humanity

he sits in a fast food restaurant waiting for the world to collapse around him

crossfading between life & death
i cry in the middle of a mcdonalds
after having ordered a burger 
i didnt want nor support 
it dried in front of me like 
a tragic love story 
'feeling incredibly heiko rn' 
i text tons of my friends
as i type on my virtual keyboard
i feel myself dissociate from
my own relationships/desires/life

one does not see who they text
one does not care who they text
only that someone listens 

the dissociation grows
the moon burns his skin 
he exists as a mere entity
in the ether of earth’s 
magnetic field 

the burger disintegrates
and its soul flies up to heaven
and his body falls ever faster towards hell
and no one replies to his text
one person removes him from their contacts
the hellfire freezes his skin
as he makes contact with hell
inside the mcdonalds bathroom

he pukes into the sink 
there is a heart amongst
the empty vomit 

and looks 
in the mirror
into the eyes
of pure evil 
& meaningless

8 Jul 2014 / Reblogged from altlitpress with 47 notes


image macro by hri


image macro by hri

8 Jul 2014 / Reblogged from internetpoetry with 94 notes

it feels pretty good to be alive most of the time

im going to write my entire life story out on greeting cards
i want to live a life composed entirely of breakdowns
and the limbo between breakdowns

i want to feel the sensation of rotting in the ground
give me your hand and lets mix our blood together
until it turns black and then lick it up like we’re fucked

exploring forests with nothing in them
praying to spirits that never died
talking to myself in the middle of an empty forest
while the birds sit in silence wondering
what the fuck my damage is

i hope in my life i will feel the
sensation of puking my own organs out
and laughing at the experience while
desperately picking them up and
wondering how long i have left
until i die my impossible death

when i rot in the ground i hope
the maggots die from my poisoned body

fly me to the moon and leave me for dead there

i sung to you on my back
i want only foolish love

what happens if i cant finish my life
who will feel my pain for me
who will experience the terror of being alive for me
who will love my lovers for me

i scream softly into the night
im getting high to death
letting my blood turn to acid
i slice open my veins
and let it drip out onto the grass
it burns a hole to earth’s soul
the acid dissolves the soul and
commits ego death upon the world
and in that moment, we were all insane
and madly in love with each other

the moon is going to give birth to humanity every night from now on

somewhere in your house
is a box hiding all of your

such as
the terror of living freely
the terror of dying slavishly
the terror of existing neutrally

and the terror of loving, simply

walk with me through the rooms
and we’ll open the box together
and live like free men, die like slaves
exist like ghosts and love like
fucking idiots

i want to lay in bed with you
the box of pandora’s existence
splayed open and torn by
our ravished, impure hands

and stare at the ceiling
going round and round
going round and round
going round and round

until it swallows us up
consuming our flesh and souls
fusing our skin with the walls
and turning us into spirits
walking the halls

screaming in the night
in pure passion; ecstatic shades
every night until the sun
rises and burns us away
until the moon gives birth to us once more