i love/hate the current state of affairs

all of my bones are about to break into pieces
i’m laying on my living room couch, waiting
for the sun to burn out and devour the earth

cigarette in my hand, my decomposition
has already started and i can feel my
brittle bones starting to finally break in the air

when we were children we were more cruel
i remember accidentally killing a frog once
i laughed and then ran off with my friends

i think about that frog every night and how
i murdered it and then laughed it off
i wish i knew you as a kid

i let the ash fall onto my floor
there is a great terror in my apartment
standing over me right now, ready to kill

i ignore the great terror and continue
reminiscing about the tragedy of the
squished frog that i laughed at

i’ve been running from that frog
ever since i turned 15 and learned
a little bit of right and wrong

when we talk it feels just like we’re
giving each other air and pumping
each other’s blood like mad

once this great terror subsides and
i fall down from the sky and feel
the air tearing off my skin

blood will splatter across the concrete
and you will die a natural death at
age 84

then we can be ghosts together
for a century of living in the past kissing,
hugging, fucking, all those times all over again

until we find peace on earth and
move onto the afterlife, i’ll watch
you rise up as i sink slowly into the abyss

i want to sleep outside until she comes back

i drive to a burger king and slid into the handicap spot
i lowered the window and threw up on the blue lines flanking me

felt like i had been here with vomit on the ground before
my heart was empty with the ventricles and aorta pumping air

i got myself out of the car with the vomit squishing under my boots
ive eaten nothing but vegan chili and rare meat all week

the burger king bordered a major highway so i rested
with the barrier separating the parking lot digging into my ass

i stared at the lights passing me by, the high finally
kicking in as a car nicer than ill ever own blew past me

i felt the lights intensify until the road was filled
to the brim with reds and yellows and oranges that made no sense

my eyes began to burn as the orange lights
ripped through my retinas and began digging in

as i felt my eyes be consumed by orange light i wondered
if i would ever see her again and felt that i wouldnt

she disappeared into the night and we cant find her
i dont think we’ll ever find her and ill never know what happened

i hope someone found her and took her in at least
or that she died painlessly in the night
or something

i had somewhere i was going with this poem but i dont give a fuck
anymore i guess

i just want my friend back

i feel violent towards those who read my work sometimes
the orange light has completely consumed my eyes now (i’m blind)

i fall off the barrier and land on some grass
i pass out maybe, the details are fuzzy at this point

i would trade the person i lost already for her

id rather someone just not want to be around me
than for someone to disappear without a trace and never come back

i woke up at 7 am and got back into my car

my vomit had dried at this point
i left the burger king without eating anything and
with any luck i died the next day.


my skull’s on fire and the paramedics are laughing

i’ve lit up a cig while my boyfriend and ex are
making out behind my back on the veranda 

i can see my future in the vomit i left on 
my own carpet 
i’m letting the sun leak onto my eyes 
coming back with permanent damage to my retina

i purged my contacts list 
the only person left in there is someone 
called ‘some guy i blew at a party last week’
too busy getting the cum off my face to ask for a name

i burned my wallet in a misguided attempt at ‘rebellion’
now i can’t even buy more cigarettes without a debit card
i cry as i realize this in front of the register
the cashier hands me a sympathy smoke 
i reject it in rebellion against my own humanity

one of those big signs in front of pharmacies
that advertise 99 cent cola’s told me to 
"fuck off" today while i was walking and i felt good

i walked my dog and felt truly ‘boosted’ 
i go on walks often but i have many vitamin deficencies 
i think that if i got those taken care of
my life would improve immensely 

i look up at the sky and 
say hello to the stars
every night

i love cats but this poem has nothing to do with cats

i am too shy to follow the
people i like on social media

i am going to die a shy,
nameless poet without a
single published book

my life has gotten out of hand
i watched every season of 24 
within a week and then lost my mind

i cried in a gas station bathroom
while a pile of dvd’s i had just
rented mocked me on the floor

i talk about how my life has
gone to shit on facebook &
get likes & that makes me
feel a little better i guess

i smile when i walk outside
because it feels good to be
alive sometimes but i still
cry a lot for a relatively
fortunate person

i just need to walk outside
in the sun a lot more i think

i want to be human
i cant be human

i become sober periodically
it is in these moments
i lay in bed and stare
at the ceiling
the sun will still burn
when i die, i consider

and i find myself enjoying
the living hell that is
the inhuman experience
and yet, i feel a desire
to feel the bliss of
pained memories & suffering
of humanity

he sits in a fast food restaurant waiting for the world to collapse around him

crossfading between life & death
i cry in the middle of a mcdonalds
after having ordered a burger 
i didnt want nor support 
it dried in front of me like 
a tragic love story 
'feeling incredibly heiko rn' 
i text tons of my friends
as i type on my virtual keyboard
i feel myself dissociate from
my own relationships/desires/life

one does not see who they text
one does not care who they text
only that someone listens 

the dissociation grows
the moon burns his skin 
he exists as a mere entity
in the ether of earth’s 
magnetic field 

the burger disintegrates
and its soul flies up to heaven
and his body falls ever faster towards hell
and no one replies to his text
one person removes him from their contacts
the hellfire freezes his skin
as he makes contact with hell
inside the mcdonalds bathroom

he pukes into the sink 
there is a heart amongst
the empty vomit 

and looks 
in the mirror
into the eyes
of pure evil 
& meaningless

8 Jul 2014 / Reblogged from altlitpress with 47 notes


image macro by hri


image macro by hri

8 Jul 2014 / Reblogged from internetpoetry with 94 notes

it feels pretty good to be alive most of the time

im going to write my entire life story out on greeting cards
i want to live a life composed entirely of breakdowns
and the limbo between breakdowns

i want to feel the sensation of rotting in the ground
give me your hand and lets mix our blood together
until it turns black and then lick it up like we’re fucked

exploring forests with nothing in them
praying to spirits that never died
talking to myself in the middle of an empty forest
while the birds sit in silence wondering
what the fuck my damage is

i hope in my life i will feel the
sensation of puking my own organs out
and laughing at the experience while
desperately picking them up and
wondering how long i have left
until i die my impossible death

when i rot in the ground i hope
the maggots die from my poisoned body